Spherical Drunkenness
by nerdsarehot75
Summary: In which aliens don't understand human biology.


They were traipsing through the scrub of a forest, looking for no one was quite sure what. The only saving grace was that the sunlight was beautiful as it dappled on the ground through the leaves of the trees. Osgood had managed to pinpoint the location to a two mile radius but there were many places a small alien device could have fallen without being seen. The large contingency of UNIT officers were spread throughout the trees, all looking towards their feet in the underbrush. Kate was a little way ahead of Osgood, leading the group as she insisted on most missions.

"Osgood," the blonde called, causing the younger woman to almost fall over a root in her hurry to reach her superior.

"Ma'am?" she asked, coming to a stop beside the other woman. The blonde pointed to a round metallic object lying in a tangle of weeds innocuously. The brunette pulled out a device emitting a range of beeps, slowly becoming more frequent as she squatted beside the alien sphere. Her superior knelt down beside her and the object began to produce a loud whirring noise. That was the only warning before a white gas poured from the sphere, hitting Kate square in the face. Osgood's corresponding cry of shock caused the officers to come jogging towards the pair, their guns held aloft.

A giggle came from a surprised looking Kate before her hand clamped over her mouth. Another giggle burst from between her fingers and suddenly she was lying in the scrub, giggling uncontrollably. The officers surrounded the duo looking more amused than concerned by their boss's behaviour. Osgood pulled Kate up by the arm while the giggles continued.

"Could you get that back to the lab?" she asked on of the officers, gesturing to the metallic sphere now behind her. She pulled the blonde back through the forest towards the collection of cars and trucks. Opening the blonde's car she heaved her into the passenger seat, assessing for any physical manifestations of damage. Seeing none she hopped into the drivers seat and began the long drive back to UNIT HQ.

Osgood was running blood works when the spheric piece of metal was deposited on her work bench. She nodded vaguely to the officer in thanks before turning her attention back to the analysis on the screen in front of her. Her nose scrunched up as she glanced over at the now humming blonde on a stool behind her. If the reading were correct Kate's blood alcohol content was 0.11, or the equivalent of four drinks. There was nothing else wrong with the woman and she was showing the symptoms of typical drunkenness. But why would an alien object release highly concentrated alcohol in gaseous form? It didn't make sense.

The brunette hopped off her stool and came to stand in front of the older woman. At the sight of her about to fall off the stool the brunette's arms shot out and caught her, righting her once again. The blonde giggled before gripping Osgood's arms.

"You're really cute," the blonde said slightly too loudly, slurring her words so the younger woman could only just make them out.

"Kate, you're drunk. The gas, whatever it was, had a high concentration of alcohol which you inhaled. I'm hoping it will just wear off as alcohol does but that means you need to go home," Osgood tried to explain as the other woman's hands began to slip from her arms. They resettled on the brunette's hips causing a blush to spread over her cheeks.

"Is she going to be okay?" a male voice said from the direction of the doorway. The brunette swung around, her blush out in full force and nodded.

"I'm going to take her home and she may need tomorrow off. If you could get Malcolm to look at the sphere that'd be helpful," she replied. The man agreed before disappearing back into the labyrinth of corridors that made up UNIT HQ. The younger woman heaved the blonde from the stool, causing her to sway alarmingly and the brunette to place her arm around the stumbling woman's waist.

They staggered through the halls as if competing in a two-legged race. It was a fairly short walk from the lab to Kate's parked car, allowing a sigh of relief to pass through Osgood's lips. She didn't mind having her boss pressed up against her, perhaps she liked it a bit too much, and she certainly wouldn't allow herself to think of her earlier comment. Now was not a good time to need her inhaler.

She hoped the car ride would be relatively uneventful, maybe a few giggles, possibly some out of tune singing but nothing much more from the drunk blonde. It wasn't until she began to feel a hand creeping up her leg that her hopes were dashed. She looked over at the drunk blonde who was watching her in return. She gently removed the blonde's hand and placed it in her lap but a few moments later it had returned. She repeated the gesture only for the other woman to repeat hers. Each time the blonde's hand was climbing slowly higher and Osgood was beginning to feel a little hot under the collar. A blush was almost a permanent fixture to her cheeks and the giggles from beside her told her Kate knew exactly what she was doing.

It was the longest drive Osgood had ever been on, including holiday road trips. She knew her superior would be horribly embarrassed come morning, and would apologise profusely but that wouldn't erase the sensation of the blonde's hands on her or the thoughts racing through her mind. But she had to take care of her friend more than her heart.

Osgood let the two of them into Kate's house with the spare key she'd been given for emergencies. She staggered through the house, entered the living room and dumped the blonde on the sofa before heading to the kitchen to bring her back a glass of water. When she returned the older woman was swaying beside a stereo, the opening of a concerto beginning to play. She swayed clumsily out of time to the music.

"I wanna dance with you," the blonde slurred, trying to take Osgood's hand. She gently placed the glass on the coffee table and took the other woman's hand. Kate clumsily tried to pull her into dancing hold but the brunette pulled her to the couch and pushed her down onto it. The blonde tried to get up but Osgood knelt beside her and offered the water. Kate blinked down at it before tentatively taking a sip from it then downed the whole thing. She held the glass back out to the brunette who refilled it.

"Kate, I think it would be a good idea if you went to bed," the younger woman suggested, ready to pull her up from the couch.

"But I wanna dance with you," Kate whined, trying to pull herself up from the couch. The brunette helped her stand but tried to lead her towards the stairs. The older woman resisted, causing Osgood to crash into her setting off a new round of giggles. It was then that the brunette noticed how close the two of them had become and tried to distance herself only for the blonde to squeeze her hand as the giggles subsided.

It was one of those poignant moments that sometimes occur in life and Osgood knew she should walk away before both of them could be hurt but Kate was leaning in and she knew she didn't have the strength to. The kiss was sloppy and wet, not the best the brunette had experienced and the only one to cause more issues than it should. But she didn't care. She revelled in it, loved every moment of it and would stay in that moment forever if it were possible.

Reality interfered and Kate lurched away before throwing up on the floor. The brunette, quickly recovering, caught the unsteady woman and sat her back on the couch, handing her the still full glass of water. The blonde downed it once again and groaned, slumping in her seat. The younger woman quickly pulled the blonde up and navigated her past the sick and into the hallway.

"Definitely time for bed," she told the older woman and half dragged, half led her up the stairs and into her room. She deposited the woman on the bed who promptly began to struggle with her shirts in an attempt to remove it. Osgood, muttering a quick reassurance, helped the poor blonde from the strangling confines of cloth. Her heart rate increased as inch by inch skin was bared before her and she couldn't help marvel at the beauty before her, even if it was swaying alarmingly. The struggled with the pants revealed long, toned legs gorgeous enough for the brunette to have to turn away to recollect her thoughts. When she turned back Kate was already lying under the covers and halfway to unconsciousness.

She crept out of the room and set about cleaning up the mess left in the living room and depositing water and painkillers on Kate's bedside table.

The next morning welcomed Kate with a screaming head, a horrific tasting mouth and no idea how she had come to be in this state. She rolled over, hoping to avoid the sunlight streaming through her window, and came face to face with a glass of water. She grateful picked it up along with the painkillers resting beside it and swallowed all before rolling herself out of the bed. She wrapped herself in her dressing gown and tentatively headed down the stairs to see the damage she may have left in her wake. To her surprise she found Osgood curled up under a blanket on her couch, snoring slightly. She quietly retreated and moved into the kitchen to begin on breakfast.

Osgood awoke to the smell of bacon cooking. She smiled slightly, glad to know Kate had survived through the night without accident. She stretched and folded the blanket, placing it neatly on the end of the couch. She wandered into the kitchen, finding Kate swathed in a fluffy blue dressing gown. She was humming the tune from the night before under her breath while she scrambled some eggs.

"Morning," the brunette greeted causing the other woman to jump slightly and turn around.

"I thought you were sleeping," was the reply she got in return.

"I was but I smelt your cooking," Osgood replied, standing beside Kate to look at the food on the stove.

"I'm glad. I'm not sure I'd have the heart to wake you and it's almost ready," the blonde observed, turning the stove off and retrieving the food. The two of them sat to eat the breakfast in relatively comfortable silence, used to shared meals when the minds are busy. Kate was desperately trying to remember what happened the night before, coming up mostly blank except for a few snapshots; walking through the woods, riding in a car, music in her living room. Osgood, on the other hand, was trying to forget the events of last night, the touches, the compliments, that kiss.

"I have to ask, what happened last night?" the blonde questioned. A slight blush formed on the brunettes cheeks before her reply.

"Well, we found a metal sphere in the woods and it released a gas. You bore the brunt of it. It contained alcohol and you became drunk," she explained haltingly. The older woman buried her head in her hands and slowly shook her head. "I took you home quickly after that and you put on music and…" the brunette trailed off.

"And?" Kate asked, looking up.

"And you kissed me then threw up and went to bed," Osgood released in a rush. A look of pure panic passed over the other woman's face before clouding over with thought. Kate believed she could vaguely remember the feeling of the brunette's lips under hers and the overwhelming sense of sickness almost straight afterwards.

"Oh God, Osgood, I'm so sorry," she apologised, burying her head back into her hands.

"I wasn't complaining," the brunette muttered quietly. The other woman's head snapped up as a surprised blush formed in the brunette's cheeks. The confession was unexpected to both of them and they sat in a stunned silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I'll just leave," Osgood quickly said before rising from the table and almost running to the hall. The blonde jumped up and rushed after the younger woman.

"Osgood, wait," she pleaded, grabbing the brunette's arm as they reached the door.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I shouldn't have said that," the younger woman murmured, refusing to meet the eye of her friend.

"Why? What did you mean you weren't complaining?" the blonde almost demanded but the blush and the shifting eyes told her all she needed to know. It had shocked her, to hear such an admission from the young scientist. She never thought her assistant would ever return the strong feelings she had. It was as if one of her dreams had sprung up before her and she was terrified she was going to wake up. But she wasn't going to waste the moment.

She lent forward and gently pressed her lips to the younger woman's, sighing contentedly. Osgood was shocked. A sober Kate was kissing her of her own free will. This kiss was tender and soft, a change from the previous one. She grasped Kate's waist and pulled her body closer. They broke apart, Kate resting her forehead against Osgood's, as the breathed in the same air.

"I think you should come back into the living room," Kate whispered before dragging the brunette back through the house.

It was later discovered that the metallic sphere came from an alien race looking to invade Earth. In their culture gaseous alcohol was poisonous, even in small doses, as it was oxidised in the lungs to form carboxylic acid, dissolving their flesh from the inside out. Luckily, the Doctor chased them off when he discovered them waiting on the dark side of the moon.


End file.
